For the last few days I have been helping my grandfather remodel my aunt’s kitchen. My grandfather has years upon years of experience working on home improvement. I would become Bob Villa if I could retain half of what he knows. But there is another thing that I am learning from him that is much more important, that is how to be genuinely happy. There are three major ideas of how to stay happy that I have learned that all seem to be important in the way that he lives. I think it could help us all to remember these ideas.
1. Don’t take yourself so seriously. One of the tasks we were assigned to do is to install a new countertop. Because of a measurement mistake, the arm of the countertop was the wrong size. Normally, this mistake would warrant loud yelling of several foul words by an ordinary carpenter. My grandfather just laughed at the mistake and then began working through possible solutions to the problem. This is a man who once was told by a coworker that he was annoying because of his whistling while he worked and then whistled louder once the complainer walked away. How many small problems have ruined your day because you were taking yourself too seriously? I would imagine more than you think.
2. Cultivate relationships with your friends and family. This weekend is a good example of just that. Because I am currently unemployed, this was a great opportunity for me to learn some home improvement skills and more importantly, spend some quality time with my grandparents. I really enjoy the time we are spending because there is so much that I can learn from both of them. Spending time with family and friends is one of the things in my life that brings me the most joy. Think to yourself right now: who is one member of your family and friends that you haven’t spoken to in a long time? Call/email/write/contact them somehow right now.
3. Be content with what you have. My grandparents live in a normal sized house and drive to Florida every year for the winter. They aren’t poor by any means, but they are both retired and therefore on a fixed income. Even though they are living on a fixed income, they are just as happy as they ever have been. They have the freedom to do exactly what they want to do and are content. The cliché is that money can not buy you happiness, and I believe that this is true. Lottery winners often go bankrupt months later and those who inherit millions seem to be the most sad and discontent with their lives. Inevitably, this conversation leads an argument about complacency and mediocrity. I am not saying that you shouldn’t aspire to grow. It just means that you shouldn’t let your dream of the future prevent you from enjoying the present. Are you happy with what you have? If not, why? What more do you need?
There is much debate as to whether you are happy naturally or whether you can decide to be happy. With some exceptions for chemical imbalances of the brain, I believe that you can decide how you interpret events in your life and choose to be optimistic about your future. Are there events in your life that have been making your sad or angry that could be reinterpreted and thought of as a positive? What methods or ideas have you used to increase your happiness?
=================================================
Gretchen Rubin is working on something called The Happiness Project. She is looking very deeply into happiness and ways to become more happy more consistently. While her entire blog is interesting, one of the posts that is really interesting is the one that she wrote about is the Ten Myths about Happiness.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
There has to be a balance with being content. On one hand, you don’t want to become so content that you stop moving, stop learning and growing, but on the other, life has to be enjoyed for what it is, and we can all benefit from being able to take a step back to enjoy our lives and what we’ve accomplished.
Good thoughts Ben.
I can see your point about becoming too content about where you are. I agree that you need to keep moving, keep pushing, keep improving as much as possible. In this economy, you need to be relentless. The satisfaction of being content over the fourth of July weekend just hit me and I wrote up this post. I had felt content for the first time in a long time, not because I had reached my goal of finding a new job, but because I have been able to stay positive and confident through this situation.
Ben: This is an incredibly insightful post. It’s amazing what grandparents can teach us without even trying, isn’t it? My grandfather just turned 90, and observing him and how he’s lived his life has definitely taught me some things.
I have to say that I haven’t visited your blog as much as I would like. (It’s funny because we definitely have overlapping communities.) So, if you haven’t been over to my neck of the woods, totally fair, but your second point is something that I write about a lot. I think it’s so important to spend time with our loved ones, thank them, appreciate them, and enjoy being together. Great post!
Sam, thanks for stopping by! I have thought a lot about how much my relatives and friends are able to teach me about life. There is something to be learned from every single person on this earth, including our relatives.
I have read some of your articles and I really like the one about the power of perspective. Perspective is such a powerful tool to use in order to stay motivated and happy. I subscribed to your RSS feed a few days ago but I now I will definitely be anticipating new updates. Thanks again for the comment and keep up the good work!
I totally agree with having a choice to be happy. You can choose to be happy or let life control you. I guess it is a matter of perspective. If you are working towards a goal, which can make you uncomfortable, then that does not make you unhappy. It just means you are stressed out. If you choose to not pursue the goal and are miserable because you let a ton of bad choices manipulate you into thinking you are a failure. Then that is bad.
I prefer to think the optimistic way. I may feel down because that is what life does to you, but in the end, I prefer to NOT have the woe is me attitude.